Repentance

Thanks for checking in, it's a blessing to have you here.

Today's word of wait is: repentance.

Touchy subject, I know. We spoke of it yesterday in church and about being caught in a "sorry cycle" - repeating the same methods of living and actions over and over again only to see the same results. I believe that was Einstein's definition of insanity.

Mark me guilty as charged then, with a plea of insanity. This past week has taught me a lot. Not only this past week, but the past few weeks. Everything that is spoken in or about my life has coincided with the message that God has brought me on a weekly and/or daily basis. It's truly humbling and amazing. I find myself believing that this hopefully means I am on my chosen path by God. Unfortunately, that path and its efforts have brought about pain, selfishness, and hurt from my past. I have broken down relationships and I have brought about things I lied to myself and others about. 

When these things surface my first reaction is a gut-twisting pain that thinks, "How did I live with myself? How did I allow myself to literally be an active part of someone's life with a role of destructing either them or myself?" How? The absence of God. 

Dr. Del Tackett teaches in The Truth Project that evil is merely the absence of God. Wow. Has that been unveiled to me boldly within the past weeks. I can't believe the things I use to put myself through, let alone others. I was about as selfish as they become.

So, how does this tie in to repentance you ask? Easy. You MUST repent in order to gain clarity and to clean your slate so that God may rewrite the instructions for your life on that very same one. I know, it's sounds so preachy. But it's a truth. One of the first Christian shirts I bought as a teenager from Mardel (anyone remember those stores?) was a parody of the Chuck Taylor logo and it said "Confess - All Sins - 1 John 1:9." Get it? Converse All-Star? Yes? Okay, moving on.

Repentance goes beyond truth. Repentance is something we must wait for, to resolve to past hurt that doesn't belong in our lives anymore. And once it has occurred, or at least have an attempt thrown at it, then the wait truly begins. Patience will unfold as you wait for the acceptance and regaining trust that you broke with yourself, others, and God. But that's the beauty! Though you hurt your Father, He wants to know the truth. He will not punish you because His son, our Savior, died for ALL of our sins upon the cross. He simply wants to have you with a clear conscience so that He may bring your clarity into the path He wants for you. See clearly down the path, and treasures and happiness will unfold in which you or I cannot begin to fathom.

I'm out. My brain and heart is spent. This journey is a constant struggle, but one that every heart must go through to truly belong to the One that can bring peace. Listen to the current music selection, you'll hear my heart.

Current Music: Sanctus Real's "We Need Each Other"; Track: "Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly)"

Hungry

Well folks. I know I haven't been updating as much as I'd like to. But there seems to be more important things for me to do. 

The last year. No kidding.

I've been feeling the crunch, much like most Americans. Words of worry haven't been grazing my tongue too badly, however. God is really giving me opportunities to make the best of my time, and by helping me to establish my own company. 

It's funny how hungry I am for experience. And yet, when presented with the opportunity to gain experience beyond comparable worth, and to my own accord and accomplishment criteria, I am scared. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. It's kind of frightening deciding to do something full-time that isn't making any cents (literally).

But I have decided to. TAP Music Group is now my full-time job. Yes, it's true.

My Monster job count, since I first signed up, within the past week.

I have applied for job after job after job. God does not want me here nor there. He wants me with TAP. It's true, otherwise I would have been snagged by some random company to be their slave for the next ________ year(s). I need income, true. But I also need to live out what is being presented to me.

My Sent Resumes folder for my email. Notice how many messages there are total (upper right hand corner of picture).

So TAP is on. Well, it already was. But now it's game-time. Full-time.

P.S. Sorry that no insight was offered for this post...just wanted to give an update. Thanks.

Current Music: Shai Hulud's "Misanthropy Pure"; Track: "Venomspreader"

Update

Thanks for tuning in and my apologies for not posting the last couple of days.

I have been very consumed with doing design work for TAP Music Group, as well as legal work. Now if only someone could pay me to do my own work...Hah.

Anyways, no thoughts for today. My mind is spent because of legal jargon.

So here's an entertaining picture:

Everyone needs a day at the beach.

Humor someone today.

Current Music: Shadow Figure's Self-Titled EP; Track: "Once I Was A Sailor"

Clarity

Today's word of wait is: clarity.

This one...or this one? Once again. Better...or worse?

It has been brought to my attention that my blogging efforts apparently aren't making much sense. Yes, I tend to ramble sometimes. And yes, I tend to stray off key from my core subject. So I apologize. My overall effort, though, is hopefully getting through.

My goal: I want at least one word, one sentence, or one thought to provoke you into thinking about things a little differently. Take, for example, the eye chart pictured above. In general, it's a bunch of letters that line up row-by-row and size-by-size. Overall, however, it produces a tool that's useful for every day practice. 

I know that there's a big picture to everyone (and apparently it scrambles some people's minds), but really what I want you to walk away from your computer screens with is even a glimmer of positivity and hope - be it one word, sentence, verse, or thought. It's all about the "particulars" lining up with the "universal" ideas (thank "The Truth Project" and Dr. Del Tackett for confusing you on that subject, not me).

You see, every day that goes by is a blur. Lining up the particulars (the every day moments that make up your day and/or life) and the universal ideas (the fact that it's just "another day" to live through) is difficult living at the speed the world lives in, much like I spoke of yesterday. Not seeing how the day is made up, or what it is made of, allows us to miss the important details of existence. This is when we need clarity provoked in our lives. God utilizes events in your life to clarify details of what He'd like for you to do.

Don't miss them. Don't miss my point. And if I allow you to miss it, that's my failure. So I only hope and pray that I type the right thoughts, to form the right phrases, in the right order.

I will indeed work on my clarity, just remember to work on yours.

G'night.

Current Music: Jeff Cyrus/Opie Howard's Untitled; Track: "All You"

Consider The Ravens Indeed

God works fast. Don't worry about competition, much less anything else.

Just received this is in an email:

Luke 12:22-25 - Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: they do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

Wow. 

Current Music: The Arcade Fire's "Funeral"; Track: "Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)"

Mobility

Today's word of wait is: mobility.

It takes keen senses and cat-like reflexes to survive in this world anymore. Everything changes so rapidly. Commercial to commercial: 30 seconds. Download music: less than 3 minutes. Drive-thru orders: under 1 minute. The list goes on and on. Society nowadays doesn't slow down for you, it expects you to speed up.

Therefore, mobility is key. And not necessarily mobility to move or advance yourself in the quickest way possible, but rather the smartest. Mobility, though meant for fast transitions, involves the act of waiting and a great deal of patience. You have to wait for the signals for the right time to move. Ever heard that saying that it's all about the right time at the right place? Well, I'm finding it to be more true as each day passes.

That's not to say that there shouldn't be any weight added to having a sharp intellect and valuable education (whether formal or informal), it's meant to say that I believe it is a combination of these things that truly make mobility an easier tool to utilize. You obviously have to know which routes to use wisely in order to get where you need to be. As Dr. Rich Barnet once said, "Any map will get you there if you don't know where you're going."

So you're still worried about competing with other individuals or business and thinking others might get to the same destination before you. One: You're assuming. Don't do that. It takes a lot of time out of focusing positive efforts on reaching your goal. Two: If you utilize all your assets (knowledge, contacts, etc.) your efforts will mobilize you more rapidly. 

Setting up TAP Music Group and it's structure was a tedious task for myself and James, and it's ever ongoing. In my opinion, no one should ever stop learning in this world - that's truly what slows you down.

In the case of how God interprets mobility, God uses you to move in ways that prosper His kingdom. I know some critics might think, "Hmm. That's kind of selfish. And 'Christians' are supposed to be generous...what gives?" God gives all of us talents to mobilize His kingdom, true. But it is a mutually-beneficial relationship. The blessings that fall on you because of choosing God as your guide can reap rewards you've never seen. 

In the end, it's all about paths. Which path you choose creates ample opportunities or obstacles for true prosperity. Mobilizing your ideas, goals, relationships, and other aspects of your professional or personal life may not be as haste as you would like, but if done correctly, the rewards will be greater.

Think of it this way, what mobilizes you? What advantage do you have that can be counted as your goodwill? Take this and use it in a passionate way that generates positive outcomes - like I spoke of yesterday. Good luck.

Current Music: Farewell Fighter's Self-Titled EP; Track: "Anthem West"

P.S. I'm currently attending evangelical classes that are a part of "The Truth Project" put together by Dr. Del Tackett. A lot of the thought process and theory that I learn from those classes will be practiced here. It's mind-blowing stuff.

Granny Smith Or Red Delicioso?

I'm hoping everyone's enjoying what's been said so far. Hopefully some of it is helpful, or even amusing. If you laugh at what I have to say, then joke's on you - because you're the one being entertained.

How do you like them apples?

Ok. So, you don't. Just say so next time.

I learned another valuable lesson today. Ambiguity, while somewhat permissible most of the time, can really do you in. There's a fine art to practicing strategic ambiguity and apparently I haven't mastered it quite yet. 

The set-up: I was at a luncheon today with an old internship supervisor and well...an industry person. Said industry person was poking and prodding around how much I was aware of the company that he worked for and what they did. I gave my best confident answer and WHAMMY! Hit it right on the head. Then the conversation turned against my favor. To make sure an avoid saying anything that might make me sound inferior, I said almost nothing. Leaving the poor guy thinking, "Why, oh why, did I make this appointment today?"

It's ok. As we discussed earlier in the day, everything belongs in the past. Hopefully, I'm practicing modesty in thought and he wishes he would have brought me on board right then and there. Doubt it, but maybe.

So, what's to be said? I stuck to my guns - yes. Quietly, but I did. I'm still learning how to balance sounding like I've accomplished something in this world and yet, stay true to my humble roots. I mean. Sometimes credit it due where need be. And if I happen to give myself credit for accomplishments in a vocal manner out loud in front of others, should it always be considered bragging? Or merely informing? Hmm. I don't like braggers. And I don't plan to be one. So I'll stick with being an informant. I suppose it's all in the tone and essence of the conversation. If anything, I attribute any talent or intelligence I have to my Father. The other father I get the shortness and male-pattern baldness from, but he's a great guy, too.

Speaking of, I'm going to go say my thanks to the big man upstairs. He's got a lot to hear from me tonight. 

G'night.

Current Music: Mute Math's Self-Titled Album; Track: "Chaos"

Tenacity

Today's word of wait is: tenacity.

That's a puddle of pain. Wait. Sounds like a band name...let's just say sweat. Keith...Sweat?

It's funny how little things in life can deter an even bigger event. For instance, this morning was much like every morning of my recent life. I wake up, I eat breakfast, and go work out before I start the day. 

While working out I love to have music that pushes me to the limit, which is in no way an Eagles' reference. In fact, any genre, or combination thereof, that include the words "metal" or "core" in the title usually does the job. 

I was doing lat pull-downs today and had August Burns Red's "The Eleventh Hour" blaring. 

"Nothing stands between a man and..." SKIP! Next Song.

"Huh? Crap..."

So I started the song again to build up to that same part I love for my fourth set.

"Nothing stands between a..." SKIP!

"DANG!"

It had skipped to the next song once again. Instead of letting the frustrating moment get to me, I found solace in starting the song over once again. Yeah, yeah. You get it. Don't give up.

Don't be so prideful that you're afraid of starting over. Pride can destroy civilizations, and has before. There's a big difference between pride and confidence. If you are truly confident in who you are, there's no reason to get frustrated - only reason to laugh at the mistakes you've made. 

Tenacity is not giving up until a desired outcome is reached and overturning all obstacles to reach that outcome. The most simple of actions can lead to a discouraging moment, but if you have the tenacity to keep going, in a fraction of a second that moment will literally be in the past. Here's a situation I find to explain past hurt and pain in a view that even an audience of children can interpret and understand:

BONK! Rafiki hits Simba over the head with his cane.

Simba: "Ow! Why'd you do that?"

Rafiki: "It doesn't matter! It's in the past"

Simba: "Well it hurt..."

Rafiki: "Ah yes! The past can hurt."

You're probably saying, "Gee Clay. This is common sense stuff. We know this." 

It is one thing to know. It is another to practice. Try it today. Just try to let all things brush past you and not deter you from what you want to accomplish within the next 24 hours. Then work up to, oh...the next 3 days. Then a week. Then it soon becomes a habit. And one worth having, in my opinion.

Having a firm foundation and willingness to accept consequences is also key for a tenacious attitude. For Biblical references, I think these verses say it best:

Philippians 4:13 - I can do anything through Him who gives me strength.

Revelation 2:5 - Remember the heights from where you have fallen. Repent, and go back to what you were doing at first.

Even from a non-Biblical, non-believer stand point, one could see that those words translate into having a firm belief system - and I'm not here to knock whatever you have set in place. Just let those words sink in a bit. Never be afraid to admit you're wrong, because when you have to, know that you will always have a net. Always. 

Mine = God. Yours = ? 

Current Music: August Burns Red's "Messengers"; Track: All tracks.

Sheeps Don't Zzzzz

One last thought before I end the day:

Whatever you do, do it with passion. Passionate decisions will evolve into some sort of drive mechanism. Get me?

But, please understand me here, take those elements and mix it with faith and positivity and you're sure not to lose. If you do fail, your faith will pick you back up, and your positivity will keep you going. Feel me?

Current Music: Local acts and repertoire from Club 527

Bill: Motives, Go Radio, & Casey Bigford

Night.

P.S. I good pair of ear plugs go a long way. Protect your hearing. If you're worried about looking like a dork, always know that the sound guy usually has you beat. No offense. Plus if you have a beard, it will offset the pink foamies in your ears - swear it.

Wind

Oh yeah, by the way...

If you're in Murfreesboro, TN today, watch out for flying objects.

THE WIND IS KICK'N!

P.S. Poogle and Robot Dog say hello.

Patience

Waiting is a part of life. You may not like it, but Time doesn't care. This wait adds weight. A weight that some, though frustrated, cannot brush off.

Do you see now the reasoning behind my blog title?

I created this blog to hopefully offer insight into how I view life. Maybe that will inspire others to do the same, maybe it won't. It's ok. It doesn't have to. I'm not looking for fame, and I'm certainly no author. This is just my life. Simple, but it is.

Jobless - yes. Beardless - no. Well. Every once in a while.

This is me. Clayton Earl Gill. A recent graduate of Middle Tennessee State University's Recording Industry program. GREAT program, awesome school, etc. No job market however. And not just in the recording industry - it's everywhere. Unless you're in healthcare.

This is my room. This is where I spend approximately seventy-five percent of my day. No, I'm not lazy (I actually have a routine for each day), it's just I cannot enjoy what lies outside of these walls without having to pay a gas station, a movie theater, a grocery store, and/or any other combination of large or small businesses something to entertain my time. 

Ahh! Speaking of time and business. Long ago (ok, not really...more like the fall of 2008) I decided I ought to put my entrepreneurial skills (and minor) to good use and start up my own business. I approached the man I felt was right for the partner position, Mr. James Warren Saxon III, and he decided to jump in head first with me. 

TAP Music Group, LLC is an official business. No lie. The aforementioned room is my office (sadly). We have a MySpace (myspace.com/TAPmusicgroup) and a website coming soon. We host three clients with a different array of creative services. Our current clients are:

Scarlett Classic

Garreth Spinn & The Shadow Figures

Saia Strange

If you didn't read the logo, we offer artist management, booking, music publishing, and music business consultation services. I don't want to get into more specifics on the company, so if you're more interested, email: tapmusicgroup@gmail.com or clay.gill@yahoo.com 

This is an intro blog and they always seem to turn out awkward and you don't know what to say or if you should brag or be humble or this or this...OR OR OR! So what. Be proud of yourself, but not full of pride. God gives you talents so use them to the full advantage of ensuring yourself or others peace. I do not condone becoming a tool through the use of your own talents. Do not use your talent to argue and persuade to manipulate others and lie. Do not use your talent to lead others to boss them around. Do not...well...just don't be a bad person. I know everyone has conflicting views of what a "bad" person is...and I explain more on ethics and my beliefs later. You may like them or you may not. But I think a person that states their beliefs actually deserves more credit and acceptance than those who do not. That's just me. Simple, but that's just me.

So today's word of wait is: Patience.

The ultimate word of wait. The epitome of what waiting is all about. In my opinion patience is a core value that isn't taught enough in today's society. In fact, the opposite is. The world has gone ADHD. Patience leads to tolerance, tolerance leads to confidence, confidence leads to respect, and respect leads to love.